Concerning Widows

Chapter 1

1 Since I have discussed the honor of virgins in three books, it is appropriate now, my brothers and sisters, to follow with a treatise about widows; for I should not leave them without honor, nor to separate them from the praise given to virgins, since the voice of the Apostle has joined them to virgins, according to what is written: The unmarried woman and the virgin cares for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. For in a way, the teaching of virginity is strengthened by the example of widows. Those who have preserved their marriage bed undefiled are a testimony to virgins that chastity is to be preserved for God. And it is almost a mark of no less virtue to abstain from marriage, which was once a delight, than to remain ignorant of the pleasures of marriage. They are strong in each point, in that they do not regret marriage, the faith of which they keep, and do not entangle themselves in married pleasures, for fear of appearing weak and not able to take care of themselves. 2 But this particular virtue also contains the rewards of freedom. For: The wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband falls asleep she is freed: let her marry whomever she wishes, only in the Lord. But she will be happier if she remains as she is, in my judgment, for I think I also have the Spirit of God. Evidently, then, the Apostle has expressed the difference, having said that the one is bound, and stated that the other is happier, and that he asserts not so much as the result of his own judgment, as of the inspiration of the Spirit of God; that the decision should be seen to be heavenly, not human. 3 And what is the teaching of the fact that at that time when the whole human race was afflicted by famine and Elijah was sent to the widow ? And see how for each is reserved her own special grace. An angel is sent to the Virgin, a prophet to the widow. Notice, further, that in one case it is Gabriel, in the other Elisha. The most excellent chiefs of the number of angels and prophets are seen to be chosen. But there is no praise simply in widowhood, unless the virtues of widowhood are added. For, indeed, there were many widows, but one is preferred to all, this does not so much discourage others from their pursuit as encourage them by the example of virtue. 4 What is said at first makes the ears attentive, although the simple meaning itself has power to attract widows to the pattern of virtue; since each seems to excel, not because of her status, but because of her merit, and the grace of hospitality is not lost sight of by God, Who, as He Himself related in the Gospel, rewards a cup of cold water with the immense reward of eternity, and compensates the small measure of flour and oil by an unfailing abundance of plenty ever coming in. For if one of the pagans has said that friends should share all their possessions, how much more should relatives share theirs! For we are relatives who are bound into one body. 5 But we are not bound by any prescribed limit of hospitality. For why do you think that what is of this world is private property when this world is common? Or why do you consider the fruits of the earth are private, when the earth itself is common property? Look, He said, at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap. For to those to whom nothing is private property nothing is lacking, and God, the master of His own word, knows how to keep His promise. Again, the birds do not gather together, and yet they eat, for our heavenly Father feeds them. But we twist the warnings of a general statement to our own advantage, while God says: Every tree which has in it the fruit of a tree yielding seed will be your food, and to every beast, and to every bird, and to everything that creeps upon the earth. By gathering together we come to lack, and by gathering together we are made empty. For we cannot hope for the promise, when we do not keep the command. It is also good for us to follow the command of hospitality, to be ready to give to strangers, for we, too, are strangers in the world. 6 But how holy was that widow, who, when suffering from extreme hunger, observed the reverence due to God, and was not using the food for herself alone, but was dividing it with her son, that she might not outlive her dear offspring. Great is the duty of affection, but that of religion brings more return. For as no one should take precedence over her son, so God’s prophet should take precedence over her son and her own survival. For we should understand that she gave him not a little food, but the whole support of her life, who left nothing for herself. So hospitable was she that she gave the whole, so full of faith that she believed at once.

Chapter 2

7 So a widow is defined not by bodily abstinence only, but is marked out by virtue; and it is not I who give her instructions, but the Apostle who bestows them. Nor am I alone in paying her honor; the Teacher of the Gentiles first gave it, saying: “Honor widows who are true widows. But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let her learn first to rule her own house and to make a return to her parents.” From this we notice that a widow should have both forms of dutiful affection, that she should love her children and respect her parents. So, while she repays obedience to her parents, she acts as a teacher to her children, and is rewarded by her own dutifulness, since what she offers to others benefits her. 8 “For this,” he says, “is acceptable before God.” Therefore, widow, if you think about the things that are God's, you should follow what you have learned pleases God. And earlier indeed the holy Apostle, exhorting widows to the pursuit of sexual restraint, said that they think about the things that are the Lord's. But elsewhere, where a widow who has been proved is chosen, she is told not only to think about but also to hope in the Lord: “For she who is truly a widow,” he says, “and left alone, let her hope in God, and continue in appeals and prayers day and night.” And not without reason did he show that they must be blameless, on whom, as virtuous work is required, so also abundant honor is conferred, so that they are honored even by bishops. 9 And what sort of woman should be chosen is described in the words of the Teacher himself: “Not less than sixty years old, who has been the wife of one husband.” Not that old age alone makes a widow, but that the merits of widowhood are the wages of old age. For certainly she is more distinguished who tames the heat of youth and the glowing ardor of a younger age, desiring neither a husband’s affection nor the richer delights of children, than she who, already worn out in body, in cold old age, ripe in years, can neither glow with pleasures nor hope for childbirth. 10 Nor, indeed, if a woman has fallen into a second marriage, which the apostolic instructions certainly do not condemn, is she kept away from the devotion of widowhood, as though the fruit of modesty had been lost, if she is again released from her husband. She will indeed have the merit of chastity, though late; but she will be more approved who has not experienced marriage with another; for in her the pursuit of chastity stands out, while for the other either old age or shame seems to have set a limit to marrying. 11 Yet bodily chastity alone is not the strength of a widow, but a great and most fruitful discipline of virtue: “who has testimony for good works, if she has brought up children, if she has received strangers, if she has washed the feet of the saints, if she has served those suffering hardship, if, finally, she has followed every good work.” You see how many disciplines of virtue he has included: first, the duty of piety; second, the pursuit of hospitality and the service of humility; third, the ministry of mercy and generous assistance; in all, he required the performance of every good work. 12 And therefore he thinks younger widows are to be avoided, because they cannot fulfill the work of so great a virtue. For young people are prone to fall, because it is inflamed by the heat of various desires in the fervor of a glowing age; and it belongs to a good teacher to keep away the material of sin. For the first discipline of instruction is to turn away fault, the second to pour in virtue. Yet since the Apostle knew that Anna, a widow from her youth to the age of eighty, had become a herald of the Lord's works, I do not think he meant that younger women should be deterred from the devotion of widowhood, especially since he said: “It is better to marry than to burn.” For he urged marriage as a remedy, so that the woman about to perish might be healed; he did not prescribe it as a choice, so that the woman capable of restraint should not follow chastity; for it is one thing to help one who is falling, another to urge virtue. 13 And why should I speak of human judgments, when by the divine judgments the Jews are said to have offended the Lord in nothing more gravely than in violating the respect due to widows and the rights of minors? This cause is condemned by the voices of the prophets as having brought upon the Jews the punishment of rejection. This alone is mentioned as a cause that will lessen the anger at their offense, if the widow is honored, and fair judgment is given to minors; for so you have it: “Judge for the orphan and justify the widow; and come, let us reason together, says the Lord.” And elsewhere: “He will take up the orphan and the widow.” And elsewhere: “Blessing I will bless her widow,” in which the figure of the Church too is foreshadowed. You see, then, holy widows, that the office which is honored with the support of divine blessing must by no means be abandoned because of unstable desire.

Chapter 3

14 To return to what we discussed above, what is the meaning of the fact that when there was a very great famine in all the land, yet the care of God was not lacking to the widow, and the prophet was sent to sustain her? And when in this story the Lord warns me that He is about to speak in truth, He seems to tell me to listen to a mystery. For what can be more true than the mystery of Christ and the Church ? Not, then, without a purpose is one preferred among many widows. Who is this woman, to whom so great a prophet who was carried up into heaven, should be guided, especially at that time when the heaven was shut for three years and six months, when there was a great famine in the whole land? The famine was everywhere, and yet this widow lacked nothing. What are these three years? Are they not, perhaps, those in which the Lord came to the earth and could not find fruit on the fig-tree, according to that which is written: For three years I have come looking for fruit on this fig-tree, and have found none. 15 This is certainly that widow of whom it was said: Rejoice, you childless woman who does not bear children, break out in cries, you who do not go into labor; for many are the children of the desolate, more than of her who has a husband. And well is she a widow of whom it is well said: You will not remember your shame and your widowhood, for I am the Lord who made you. And perhaps therefore is she a widow who has lost her Husband indeed in the suffering of His body, but in the day of judgment will receive again the Son of Man Whom she seemed to have lost. For a short time I have abandoned you, He says, in order that, being forsaken, she may more gloriously keep her faith. 16 All, then, have an example to imitate, virgins, married women, and widows. And perhaps is the Church therefore a virgin, married, and a widow, because they are one body in Christ. She is then that widow for Whose sake when there was a shortage of the heavenly Word on earth, the prophets were appointed, for there was a widow who was barren, yet reserved her childbearing for its own time. 17 So that his person does not seem to us insignificant, who by his word moistened the dry earth with the dew of heaven, and unlocked the closed heavens certainly not by human power. For who is he who can open the heavens except Christ, for Whom daily out of sinners' food is gathered, an increase for the Church ? For it is not in the power of man to say: The jar of flour will not run out, and the jug of oil will not fail, until the day on which the Lord sends rain on the earth. For though it be the rule of the prophets to speak this way, the voice is in truth that of the Lord. And so it is stated first: For this is what the Lord says. For it is of the Lord to guarantee the continuation of heavenly sacraments, and to promise that the grace of spiritual joy will not fail, to grant the defenses of life, the seals of faith, the gifts of virtues. 18 But what does this mean: Until the day on which the Lord sends rain on the earth ? Except that He, too, will come down like rain upon a fleece, and like the drops that water the earth. This passage reveals the mystery of the old history where Gideon, the warrior in this symbolic battle, receiving the pledge of future victory, recognized the spiritual sacrament in the vision of his mind, that that rain was the dew of the Divine Word, which first came down on the fleece, when all the earth was parched with constant drought, and by a second true sign, moistened the floor of all the earth with a shower, while dryness was upon the fleece. 19 For the man with foresight observed the sign of the future growth of the Church. For first in Judea the dew of the divine utterance began to give moisture (for God is known in Judah ), while the whole earth remained without the dew of faith. But when Joseph's flock began to deny God, and by venturing on various enormous offenses to incur guilt before God, then when the dew of the heavenly shower was poured on the whole earth, the people of the Jews began to grow dry and parched in their own unbelief, when the clouds of prophecy and the nourishing shower of the Apostles watered the holy Church gathered together from all parts of the world. This is that rain, now condensed from earthly moisture, now from mountain mists, but diffused throughout the whole world in the life-giving shower of the heavenly Scriptures. 20 By this example, then, it is shown that not all can merit the miracles of divine power, but those who are aided by the pursuits of religious devotion, and that they lose the fruits of divine working who are without reverence for heaven. It is also shown in a mystery that the Son of God, in order to restore the Church, took upon Himself the mystery of a human body, casting off the Jewish people, from whom the counselor and the prophet and the miracles of the divine benefits were taken away, because, as though through a kind of national defect they were not willing to believe in the Son of God.

Chapter 4

21 Scripture then teaches us how much grace is given by unity, and how great is the gift of divine blessing in widows. And since such honor is given them by God, we must observe what way of life corresponds to this; for Anna shows what widows should be, who, left alone by the early death of her husband, yet obtained the reward of full praise, being intent not less on the duties of religion than on the pursuit of chastity. A widow, it is said, of eighty-four years, a widow who did not depart from the temple, a widow who served God night and day with fasting and with prayers. 22 You see what sort of person a widow is said to be, the wife of one man, tested also by the progress of age, vigorous in religion, and worn out in body, whose resting-place is the temple, whose speech is prayer, whose life is fasting, who in the times of day and night through tireless devoted service, though her body shows old age, yet knows no age in her piety. This is how a widow is trained from youth, and how she is described in old age, who has kept her widowhood not through the chance of time, nor through weakness of body, but by large-heartedness in virtue. For when it is said that she was for seven years from her virginity with her husband, it is an explanation that the things which are the support of her old age began in the aims of her youth. 23 And so we are taught that the virtue of chastity is threefold, one kind that of married life, a second that of widowhood, and the third that of virginity, for we do not so present one as to exclude others. These result each in that which belongs to each. The training of the Church is rich in this, that it has those whom it may set before others, but has none whom it rejects, and if only it could never have any! We have so spoken of virginity as not to reject widowhood, we honor widows as to reserve its own honor for marriage. It is not our instructions but the divine sayings which teach this. 24 Let us remember then how Mary, how Anna, and how Susanna are spoken of. But since not only must we celebrate their praises but also follow their manner of life, let us remember where Susanna, and Anna, and Mary are found, and observe how each is spoken of with her particular praise, and where each is mentioned, she that is married in the garden, the widow in the temple, the virgin in her private room. 25 But in the former the fruit is later, in virginity it is earlier; old age proves them, virginity is the praise of youth, and does not need the help of years, being the fruit of every age. It suits early years, it adorns youth, it adds to the dignity of age, and at all ages it has the gray hairs of its righteousness, the maturity of its seriousness, the veil of modesty, which does not hinder devotion and increases religion. For we see by what follows that holy Mary went every year with Joseph to Jerusalem on the Passover festival. Everywhere in company with the Virgin is eager devotion and a zealous sharer of her chastity. Nor is the Mother of the Lord puffed up, as though secure of her own merits, but the more she recognized her merit, the more fully did she pay her vows, the more abundantly did she perform her service, the more fully did she fulfill her role, the more religiously did she perform her duty and fill up the sacred season. 26 How much more then should you devote yourself to the pursuit of chastity, so that you leave no room for an unfavorable opinion who have the evidence of your modesty and your behavior alone. For a virgin, though in her also character rather than the body has the first claim, puts away slander by the integrity of her body, a widow who has lost the assistance of being able to prove her virginity undergoes the inquiry as to her chastity not according to the word of a midwife, but according to her own manner of life. Scripture, then, has shown how attentive and religious should be the disposition of a widow.

Chapter 5

27 In the same book, too, but in another place, we are taught how fitting it is to be merciful and generous toward the poor, and that this feeling should not be checked by the consideration of our poverty, since generosity is determined not by the amount of our possessions, but by the disposition of giving. For by the voice of the Lord that widow is preferred to all of whom it was said: This widow has put in more than all. In which instance the Lord characteristically teaches all, that none should be held back from giving assistance through shame at his own poverty, and that the rich should not flatter themselves that they seem to give more than the poor. For the piece of money out of a small stock is richer than treasures out of abundance, because it is not the amount that is given but the amount that remains which is considered. No one gives more than she who has left nothing for herself. 28 Why do you, rich woman, boast by comparison with the poor, and when you are all loaded with gold, and drag along the ground a costly robe, desire to be honored as though she were inferior and small in comparison with your riches, because you have surpassed the needy with your gifts? Rivers too overflow, when they are too full, but a drink from a brook is more pleasant. New wine foams while fermenting, and the farmer does not consider as lost that which runs over. While the harvest is being threshed out, grains fall from the groaning floor; but though the harvests fail, the jar of flour does not run out, and the jug full of oil pours out. But the drought emptied the casks of the rich, while the tiny jug of oil of the widow gave abundance. Count, then, what you give out of devotion, not what you throw away contemptuously. For in the end, no one gave more than she who fed the prophet with her children's nourishment. And so since no one gave more, no one had greater merit. This has a moral application. 29 And considering the mystical sense, one must not despise this woman putting in two small coins into the treasury. Plainly the woman was noble who in the divine judgment was found worthy to be preferred to all. Perhaps it is she who of her faith has given two testaments for the help of man, and so no one has done more. Nor could any one equal the amount of her gift, who joined faith with mercy. Do you, then, whoever you are, who live out your widowhood, not hesitate to cast into the treasury the two small coins, full of faith and grace. 30 Happy is she who out of her treasure brings out the perfect image of the King. Your treasure is wisdom, your treasure is chastity and righteousness, your treasure is a good understanding, such as was that treasure from which the Magi, when they worshiped the Lord, brought out gold, frankincense, and myrrh; representing by gold the power of a king, honoring God by the frankincense, and by myrrh acknowledging the resurrection of the body. You too have this treasure if you look into yourself: For we have this treasure in clay jars. You have gold which you can give, for God does not demand from you the precious gift of shining metal, but that gold which at the day of judgment the fire will be unable to consume. Nor does He require precious gifts, but the good fragrance of faith, which the altars of your heart send out and the disposition of a religious mind exhales. 31 From this treasure, then, not only the three gifts of the Magi but also the two small coins of the widow are taken, on which the perfect image of the heavenly King shines, the brightness of His glory and the image of His substance. Precious, too, are those hardly earned gains of chastity which the widow gives of her labor and daily task, continually night and day working at her task, and by the wakeful labor of her profitable chastity gathering treasure; that she may preserve the couch of her deceased husband undefiled, be able to support her dear children, and to serve the poor. She is to be preferred to the rich, she is the one who will not fear the judgment of Christ. 32 Strive to equal her, my daughters: It is good to be eager for what is good. Eagerly desire the best gifts. The Lord is always looking at you, Jesus looks upon you when He goes to the treasury, and you think that of the gain of your good works assistance is to be given to those in need. What is it, then, that you should give your two mites and gain in return the Lord's Body? Do not go, then, empty into the sight of the Lord your God, empty of mercy, empty of faith, empty of chastity; for the Lord Jesus usually looks at and praises not the empty, but those who are rich in virtues. Let the maiden see you at work, let her see you ministering to others. For this is the return which you owe to God, that you should make your return to God from the progress of others. No return is more acceptable to God than the offerings of piety.

Chapter 6

33 Does the widow Naomi seem to you insignificant, who supported her widowhood on the gleanings from another's harvest, and who, when heavy with age, was supported by her daughter-in-law? It is a great benefit both for the support and for the advantage of widows, that they so train their daughters-in-law as to have in them a support in full old age, and, as it were, payment for their teaching and reward for their training. For to her who has well taught and well instructed her daughter-in-law there will always be a Ruth who will prefer the widowed life of her mother-in-law to her father's house, and if her husband also be dead, will not leave her, will support her in need, comfort her in sorrow, and not leave her if sent away; for good instruction will never lack support. So that Naomi, deprived of her husband and her two sons, having lost the offspring of her fruitfulness, did not lose the reward of her pious care, for she found both a comfort in sorrow and a support in poverty. 34 You see, then, holy women, how fruitful a widow is in the offspring of virtues, and the results of her own merits, which cannot come to an end. A good widow, then, lacks nothing, and if she is weary through age, in extreme poverty, yet she has as a rule the reward of the training she has given. Though the nearest to herself have failed, she finds those more distantly related to cherish their mother, revere their parent, and by the small gifts for her support desire to gain the fruit of their own kindness, for gifts to a widow are richly repaid. She asks food and pays back treasures. 35 But she seems to spend sad days, and to pass her time in tears. And she is the more blessed in this, for by a little weeping she purchases for herself everlasting joys, and at the cost of a few moments gains eternity. To such it is well said: Blessed are you who weep, for you will laugh. Who then would prefer the deceitful appearances of present joys to the pleasure of future freedom from anxiety? Does he seem to us an insignificant authority, the chosen human ancestor of the Lord, who ate ashes as it were bread, and mingled his drink with weeping, and by his tears at night gained for himself the joy of redemption in the morning? Where did he gain that great joy except that he greatly wept, and, as it were, at the price of his tears obtained the grace of future glory for himself. 36 The widow has, then, this excellent recommendation, that while she mourns her husband she also weeps for the world, and the redeeming tears are ready, which shed for the dead will benefit the living. The weeping of the eyes is fitted to the sadness of the mind, it arouses pity, lessens labor, relieves grief, and preserves modesty, and she no longer seems to herself so wretched, finding comfort in tears which are the recompense of love and proofs of pious memory.

Chapter 7

37 But bravery also is usually not lacking to a good widow. For this is true bravery, which surpasses the usual nature and the weakness of the sex by the devotion of the mind, such as was in her who was named Judith, who of herself alone was able to raise from complete despair and defend from the enemy men broken down by the siege, struck with fear, and pining with hunger. For she, as we read, when Holofernes, dreaded after his success in so many battles, had driven countless thousands of men within the walls; when the armed men were afraid, and were already negotiating final surrender, went out outside the wall, both excelling that army which she delivered, and braver than that which she put to flight. 38 But in order to learn the dispositions of ripe widowhood, run through the course of the Scriptures. From the time when her husband died she laid aside the clothes of celebration, and took those of mourning. Every day she was intent on fasting except on the Sabbath and the Lord's Day and the times of holy days, not as yielding to a desire for food, but out of respect for religion. For this is that which is said: Whether you eat or drink, all is to be done in the name of Jesus Christ, that even the very refreshment of the body is to have respect to the worship of holy religion. So then, holy Judith, strengthened by lengthened mourning and by daily fasting, sought not the enjoyments of the world regardless of danger, and strong in her contempt for death. In order to accomplish her stratagem she put on that robe of mirth, in which in her husband's lifetime she used to dress, as though she would give pleasure to her husband, if she freed her country. But she saw another man whom she was seeking to please, even Him, of Whom it is said: After me comes a man who ranks ahead of me. And she did well in resuming her bridal ornaments when about to fight, for memories of marriage are the weapons of chastity, and in no other way could a widow please or gain the victory. 39 Why tell what happened next? How she among thousands of enemies, remained chaste. Why speak of her wisdom, in that she designed such a scheme? She chose out the commander, to ward off from herself the insolence of inferiors, and prepare an opportunity for victory. She reserved the merit of abstinence and the grace of chastity. For unpolluted, as we read, either by food or by adultery, she gained no less a triumph over the enemy by preserving her chastity than by freeing her country. 40 What can I say of her sobriety? Self-control, indeed, is the virtue of women. When the men were intoxicated with wine and buried in sleep, the widow took the sword, stretched out her hand, cut off the warrior's head, and passed unharmed through the midst of the ranks of the enemy. You notice, then, how much drunkenness can injure a woman, seeing that wine so weakens men that they are overcome by women. Let a widow, then, be self-controlled, pure in the first place from wine, that she may be pure from adultery. He will tempt you in vain, if wine does not tempt you. For if Judith had drunk she would have slept with the adulterer. But because she did not drink, the sobriety of one without difficulty was able both to overcome and to escape from a drunken army. 41 And this was not so much a work of her hands, as much more a trophy of her wisdom. For having overcome Holofernes by her hand alone, she overcame the whole army of the enemies by her wisdom. For hanging up the head of Holofernes, a deed which the wisdom of the men had been unable to plan, she raised the courage of her countrymen, and broke down that of the enemy. She stirred up her own friends by her modesty, and struck terror into the enemy so that they were put to flight and killed. And so the temperance and sobriety of one widow not only subdued her own nature, but, which is far more, even made men braver. 42 And yet she was not so elated by this success, though she might well rejoice and celebrate by right of her victory, as to give up the exercises of her widowhood, but refusing all who desired to marry her she laid aside her clothes of celebration and took again those of her widowhood, not caring for the adornments of her triumph, thinking those things better by which vices of the body are subdued than those by which the weapons of an enemy are overcome.

Chapter 8

43 And in order that it may not seem as if only one widow had fulfilled this inimitable work, it seems in no way doubtful that there were many others of equal or almost equal virtue, for good seed grain usually bears many ears filled with grains. Do not doubt, then, that that ancient seed-time was fruitful in the characters of many women. But as it would be tedious to include all, consider some, and especially Deborah, whose virtue Scripture records for us. 44 For she showed not only that widows have no need of the help of a man, since she, not at all restrained by the weakness of her sex, undertook to perform the duties of a man, and did even more than she had undertaken. And, at last, when the Jews were being ruled under the leadership of the judges, because they could not govern them with manly justice, or defend them with manly strength, and so wars broke out on all sides, they chose Deborah, by whose judgment they might be ruled. And so one widow both ruled many thousands of men in peace, and defended them from the enemy. There were many judges in Israel, but no woman before was a judge, as after Joshua there were many judges but none was a prophet. And I think that her judgeship has been narrated, and her deeds described, that women should not be restrained from deeds of courage by the weakness of their sex. A widow, she governs the people; a widow, she leads armies; a widow, she chooses generals; a widow, she determines wars and orders triumphs. So nature is not responsible for the fault or the weakness. It is not sex, but courage which makes strong. 45 And in time of peace there is no complaint, and no fault is found in this woman whereas most of the judges were causes of no small sins to the people. But when the Canaanites, a people fierce in battle and rich in troops, successively joined them, showed a horrible disposition against the people of the Jews, this widow, before all others, made all the preparations for war. And to show that the needs of the household were not dependent on the public resources, but rather that public duties were guided by the discipline of home life, she brings out from her home her son as leader of the army, that we may acknowledge that a widow can train a warrior; whom, as a mother, she taught, and, as judge, placed in command, as, being herself brave, she trained him, and, as a prophetess, sent to certain victory. 46 And finally, her son Barak shows the chief part of the victory was in the hands of a woman when he said: If you will not go with me I will not go, for I do not know the day on which the Lord sends His angel with me. How great, then, was the might of that woman to whom the leader of the army says, If you will not go I will not go. How great, I say, the courage of the widow who does not hold back her son from dangers through motherly affection, but rather with the zeal of a mother urges her son to go out to victory, while saying that the decisive point of that victory is in the hand of a woman ! 47 So, then, Deborah foretold the event of the battle. Barak, as he was ordered, led out the army; Jael carried off the triumph, for the prophecy of Deborah fought for her, who in a mystery revealed to us the rising of the Church from among the Gentiles, for whom should be found a triumph over Sisera, that is, over the powers opposed to her. For us, then, the messages of the prophets fought, for us those judgments and arms of the prophets won the victory. And for this reason it was not the people of the Jews but Jael who gained the victory over the enemy. Unhappy, then, was that people which could not follow up by the virtue of faith the enemy, whom it had put to flight. And so by their fault salvation came to the Gentiles, by their sluggishness the victory was reserved for us. 48 Jael then destroyed Sisera, whom however the band of Jewish veterans had put to flight under their brilliant leader, for this is the interpretation of the name Barak; for often, as we read, the sayings and merits of the prophets secured heavenly aid for the fathers. But even at that time was victory being prepared over spiritual wickedness for those to whom it is said in the Gospel: Come, you blessed of My Father, take possession of the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. So the beginning of the victory was from the Fathers, its conclusion is in the Church. 49 But the Church does not overcome the powers of the enemy with weapons of this world, but with spiritual arms, which are mighty through God to the destruction of strongholds and the high places of spiritual wickedness. And Sisera's thirst was quenched with a bowl of milk, because he was overcome by wisdom, for what is nourishing for us as food is deadly and weakening to the power of the enemy. The weapons of the Church are faith, the weapons of the Church are prayer, which overcomes the enemy. 50 And so according to this history a woman, that the minds of women might be stirred up, became a judge, a woman set all in order, a woman prophesied, a woman triumphed, and joining in the battle formation taught men to war under a woman's lead. But in a mystery it is the battle of faith and the victory of the Church. 51 You, then, who are women have no excuse because of your nature. You who are widows have no excuse because of the weakness of your sex, nor can you attribute your changeableness to the loss of the support of a husband. Every one has sufficient protection if courage is not lacking to the soul. And the very advance of age is a common defense of chastity for widows; and grief for the husband who is lost, regular work, the care of the house, anxiety for children, frequently ward off lustfulness hurtful to the soul; while the very mourning attire, the funeral solemnities, the constant weeping, and grief impressed on the sad forehead in deep wrinkles, restrains wanton eyes, checks lust, turns away bold glances. The sorrow of regretful affection is a good guardian of chastity, guilt cannot find an entrance if vigilance is not lacking.

Chapter 9

52 You have learned, then, you who are widows, that you are not without the help of nature, and that you can maintain sound counsel. Nor, again, are you devoid of protection at home, who are able to claim even the highest point of public power. 53 But perhaps someone may say that widowhood is more endurable for her who enjoys prosperity, but that widows are soon broken down by adversity, and easily succumb. On which point not only are we taught by experience that enjoyment is more dangerous for widows than difficulties, but by the examples in the Scriptures that even in weakness widows are not usually without aid, and that divine and human support is furnished more readily to them than to others, if they have brought up children and chosen sons-in-law well. And, finally, when Simon's mother-in-law was lying sick with violent fever, Peter and Andrew begged the Lord for her: And He stood over her and commanded the fever and it left her, and immediately she arose and served them. 54 She was taken, it is said, with a great fever, and they begged him for her. You too have those near you to pray for you. You have the Apostles near, you have the Martyrs near; if associated with the Martyrs in devotion, you draw near them also by works of mercy. Do you show mercy and you will be close to Peter. It is not relationship by blood but affinity of virtue which makes near, for we walk not in the flesh but in the Spirit. Cherish, then, the nearness of Peter and the affinity of Andrew, that they may pray for you and your lusts give way. Touched by the word of God you, who lay on the earth, will then immediately get up to serve Christ. For our citizenship is in heaven, from where we also await the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. For no one lying down can serve Christ. Serve the poor and you have served Christ. For what you have done to one of these, He says, you have done to Me. You, widows, have then assistance, if you choose such sons-in-law for yourselves, such patrons and friends for your descendants. 55 So Peter and Andrew prayed for the widow. If only there were someone who could so quickly pray for us, or better still, they who prayed for the mother-in-law, Peter and Andrew his brother. Then they could pray for one related to them, now they are able to pray for us and for all. For you see that one bound by great sin is less fit to pray for herself, certainly less likely to obtain for herself. Let her then make use of others to pray for her to the doctor. For the sick, unless the doctor be called to them by the prayers of others, cannot pray for themselves. The flesh is weak, the soul is sick and hindered by the chains of sins, and cannot direct its feeble steps to the throne of that doctor. The angels must be asked to intercede for us, who have been to us as guards; the martyrs must be asked to intercede, whose patronage we seem to claim for ourselves by the pledge as it were of their bodily remains. They can intercede for our sins, who, if they had any sins, washed them in their own blood; for they are the martyrs of God, our leaders, the witnesses of our life and of our actions. Let us not be ashamed to take them as intercessors for our weakness, for they themselves knew the weaknesses of the body, even when they overcame. 56 So, then, Peter's mother-in-law found some to pray for her. And you, widow, find those who will pray for you, if as a true widow and desolate you hope in God, continue steadily in appeals, persist in prayers, treat your body as dying daily, that by dying you may live again; avoid pleasures, that you, too, being sick, may be healed. For she who lives in pleasure is dead while she lives. 57 You have no longer any reason for marrying, you have some to intercede for you. Do not say, I am desolate. This is the complaint of one who wishes to marry. Do not say, I am alone. Chastity seeks solitude: the modest seek privacy, the immodest company. But you have necessary business; you have also one to plead for you. You are afraid of your adversary; the Lord Himself will intervene with the judge and say: Judge for the fatherless, and justify the widow. 58 But you wish to take care of your inheritance. The inheritance of modesty is greater, and this a widow can guard better than one married. A slave has done wrong. Forgive him, for it is better that you should bear with another's fault than expose it. But you wish to marry. So be it. The simple desire is no crime. I do not ask the reason, why is one invented? If you think it good, say so; if unsuitable, be silent. Do not blame God, do not blame your relatives, saying that protection fails you. If only the willingness did not fail! And do not say that you are consulting the interests of your children, whom you are depriving of their mother. 59 There are some things permissible in the abstract, but not permissible on account of age. Why is the mother’s wedding being prepared at the same time with that of the daughters, and often even afterwards? Why does the grown-up daughter learn to blush in the presence of her mother's betrothed rather than her own? I confess that I advised you to change your dress, but not to put on a bridal veil; to go away from the tomb, not to prepare a bridal couch. What is the meaning of a newly-married woman who already has sons-in-law? How improper it is to have children younger than one's grandchildren!

Chapter 10

60 But let us return to the point, and not, while we are grieving over the wounds of our sins, leave the doctor, and while ministering to the sores of others, let our own go on increasing. The Doctor is then here asked for. Do not fear, because the Lord is great, that perhaps He will not lower Himself to come to one who is sick, for He often comes to us from heaven; and usually visits not only the rich but also the poor and the servants of the poor. And so now He comes, when called upon, to Peter's mother-in-law. And He stood over her and rebuked the fever, and it left her, and immediately she arose and served them. As He is worthy of being remembered, so, too, is He worthy of being longed for, worthy, too, of love, for His willingness to attend to every single matter which affects men, and His marvelous acts. He does not refuse to visit widows, and to enter the narrow rooms of a poor cottage. As God He commands, as man He visits. 61 Thanks be to the Gospel, by means of which we also, who did not see Christ when He came into this world, seem to be with Him when we read His deeds, that as they, to whom He drew near, borrowed faith from Him, so may He, when we believe His deeds, draw near to us. 62 Do you see what kinds of healing are with Him? He commands the fever, He commands the unclean spirits, at another place He lays hands on them. He used to heal the sick, not only by word but also by touch. And do you then, who burn with many desires, taken either by the beauty or by the fortune of someone, implore Christ, call in the Physician, stretch out your right hand to Him, let the hand of God touch your inmost being, and the grace of the heavenly Word enter the veins of your inward desires, let God's right hand strike the secrets of your heart. He spreads clay on the eyes of some that they may see, and the Creator of all teaches us that we should remember of our own nature, and to discern the lowliness of our body; for no one can see divine things except one who through knowledge of his lowliness cannot be puffed up. Another is told to show himself to the priest, that he may forever be free from the scales of leprosy. For he alone can preserve his purity, both of body and soul, who knows how to show himself to that priest, Whom we have received as an Advocate for our sins, and to Whom is plainly said: You are a priest forever after the order of Melchizedek. 63 And do not be afraid that there will be any delay in healing. He who is healed by Christ has no hindrances. You must use the remedy which you have received; and as soon as He has given the command, the blind man sees, the paralytic walks, the person unable to speak speaks, the deaf hears, the woman with a fever serves, the person with a mental affliction is freed. And do you, then, who constantly suffer from an improper desire for anything, appeal to the Lord, show Him your faith, and fear no delay. Where there is prayer, the Word is present, desire is put to flight, lust departs. And do not be afraid of offending by confession, take it rather as a right, for you who were before afflicted by an intense disease of the body will begin to serve Christ. 64 And in this place can be seen the disposition of the will of Peter's mother-in-law, from which she received for herself, as it were, the seed grain of what was to come, for to each his will is the cause of that which is to come. For from the will springs wisdom, which the wise man takes in marriage to himself, saying: I desire to make her my spouse. This will, then, which at first was weak and listless under the fever of various desires, afterwards through the ministry of the apostles rose up strong to serve Christ. 65 At the same time it is also shown what someone who serves Christ should be like, for first he must be free from the enticements of various pleasures, he must be free from inward weakness of body and soul, that he may administer the Body and Blood of Christ. For no one who is sick with his own sins, and far from being whole, can administer the remedies of the healing of immortality. See what you do, priest, and do not touch the Body of Christ with a fevered hand. First be healed that you may be able to serve. If Christ tells those who are now cleansed, but were once leprous, to show themselves to the priests, how much more is it fitting for the priest himself to be pure. That widow, then, cannot take offense that I have not spared her, since I do not spare myself. 66 Peter's mother-in-law, it is written, rose up and ministered to them. Well is it said, rose up, for the grace of the apostleship was already furnishing a type of the sacrament. It is proper to the ministers of Christ to rise, according to that which is written: Wake up, you who sleep, and arise from the dead.

Chapter 11

67 We say, then, that widows do not lack resources, accustomed as they are to giving, or assistance, since by them the resources of men have often been defended in the greatest dangers; that the duties of a husband are also easily made up to them by sons-in-law or by relatives; that the divine mercy too is readier toward them; and therefore, since there appears to be no reason to marry, the desire should be absent. 68 This, however, we say as advice; we do not command it as a command, encouraging the widow rather than binding her; for we do not forbid second marriages, but we do not advise them. For the consideration of weakness is one thing, the grace of chastity another. I say more: we do not forbid second marriages, but we do not approve marriages often repeated; for not everything that is lawful is beneficial: “All things are lawful for me,” says the Apostle, “but not all things are helpful.” It is lawful to drink wine, but to drink much is not proper. 69 It is lawful, then, to marry, but it is more beautiful to abstain; for there are bonds in marriage. Do you wish to know what bonds? “The woman who is under a husband is bound to the law while her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of the husband.” It is proved, then, that marriage is a bond, by which the woman is bound and released. The grace of mutual love is good, but the servitude is greater. “For the woman does not have power over her own body, but the husband.” And so that you do not think this servitude belongs to one sex rather than to marriage: “Likewise the husband does not have power over his own body, but the wife.” How great, then, is the constraint of marriage, which subjects even the stronger to the other! For each serves the other by mutual constraint. Nor may the self-controlled withdraw his head from the yoke, since he must serve the other's lack of self-control. “You were bought with a price,” he says; “do not become slaves of men.” You see how plain is the definition of servitude for the married. It is not I who say this, but the Apostle; nor he, but Christ who spoke in him. And he defined this servitude in the case of good spouses. For above you have this: “The unbelieving husband is sanctified through the believing wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through the believing husband.” And below: “But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart. A brother or sister is not given over to servitude in such cases.” If, then, a good marriage is servitude, what is a bad marriage, when they cannot sanctify but destroy each other? 70 But as we urge widows to the grace of virtue, so too we call women to the discipline of the Church; for the Church consists of all. Though it is Christ's flock, some in it are fed with pasture, others are still nourished with milk; and these must beware of those wolves who hide in sheep's clothing, putting forward a show of abstinence but provoking to the foul lack of self-control. For since they know how heavy the burdens of chastity are, though they themselves cannot touch them with their little fingers, they demand them from others beyond measure, while they themselves cannot keep even a measure, but sink under an unjust burden. For the measure of the load should match the measure of the bearer; otherwise the load imposed falls where the bearer is weak; for even stronger food chokes the throats of infants. 71 And therefore, as the strength of a multitude of carriers is not estimated by the strength of a few, nor yet is a limit set for the stronger on account of the weakness of others, but each is left free to take up as much load as he desires, the abundance of the reward growing with the increase of virtue, so too a noose is not to be thrown on women, nor is the burden of a heavier abstinence beyond their strength to be laid on them; but it is to be left to each to weigh herself, not compelled by any authoritative command, but drawn forward by the increase of grace. And therefore different rewards are set before different virtues. Nor is one thing condemned so that another may be praised; but all are praised, so that the better may be preferred.

Chapter 12

72 Marriage, then, is honorable, but chastity is more honorable, for he who gives his virgin in marriage does well, but he who does not give her in marriage does better. That, then, which is good need not be avoided, but that which is better should be chosen. And so it is not laid upon any, but set before him. And, therefore, the Apostle said well: Concerning virgins I have no commandment of the Lord, yet I give my advice. For a command is issued to those subject, advice is given to friends. Where there is a commandment, there is a law; where advice, there is grace. A commandment is given to enforce what is according to nature, advice to encourage us to follow grace. And, therefore, the Law was given to the Jews, but grace was reserved for the elect. The Law was given that, through fear of punishment, it might recall those who were wandering beyond the limits of nature, to their observance, but grace to incite the elect both by the desire of good things, and also by the promised rewards. 73 You will see the difference between command and advice, if you remember the case of him in the Gospel, to whom it is first commanded to do no murder, not to commit adultery, not to bear false witness; for that is a commandment which has a penalty for its violation. But when he said that he had fulfilled all the commandments of the Law, he is advised to sell all that he had and follow the Lord, for these things are not imposed as commands, but are offered as advice. For there are two ways of commanding things, one by way of command, the other by way of advice. And so the Lord in one way says: You shall not kill, where He gives a commandment; in the other He says: If you wish to be perfect, sell all that you have. He is, then, not bound by a commandment to whom the choice is left. 74 And so those who have fulfilled the commandments are able to say: We are unprofitable servants, we have done that which was our duty to do. The virgin does not say this, nor he who sold all his goods, but they rather await the stored-up rewards like the holy Apostle who says: Look, we have left all and followed You, what will we receive, then? He does not say, like the unprofitable servant, that he has done that which was his duty to do, but as being profitable to his Master, because he has multiplied the talents entrusted to him by the increase he has gained, having a good conscience, and without anxiety as to his merits he expects the reward of his faith and virtue. And so it is said to him and the others: You who have followed Me, at the renewal of all things, when the Son of Man will sit in the throne of His glory, will yourselves also sit on twelve thrones, judging the tribes of Israel. And to those who had faithfully preserved their talents He promises rewards indeed, though smaller saying: Because you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Good faith, then, is due, but mercy is in the rewards. He who has kept good faith has deserved that good faith should be kept with him; he who has made good profit, because he has not sought his own benefit, has gained a claim to a heavenly reward.

Chapter 13

75 So, then, a commandment to this effect is not given, but advice is. Chastity is commanded, complete sexual restraint is advised. But not everyone can accept this saying, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who were born this way from their mother’s womb, in whom exists a natural necessity not the virtue of chastity. And there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs, of their own will, that is, not of necessity. And there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by others. And, therefore, great is the grace of sexual restraint in them, because it is the will, not incapacity, which makes a man self-controlled. For it is proper to preserve the gift of divine working whole. And let them not think it too little not to be impeded by the inclination of the body, for if the reward for going through that conflict is taken from their reach, the matter of sin is also removed, and though they cannot receive the crown, no more can they be overcome. They have other kinds of virtues by which they ought to commend themselves if their faith is firm, their mercifulness abundant, greed far from them, grace abundant. But in them there is no fault, for they are ignorant of the act of sin. 76 The case is not the same of those who mutilate themselves, and I touch upon this point deliberately, for there are some who look upon it as a holy deed to restrain desire through evil violence of this kind. And though I am not willing to express my own opinion concerning them, though decisions of our predecessors are in existence; but then consider whether this tends not rather to a declaration of weakness than to a reputation for strength. On this principle no one should fight for fear of being defeated, nor make use of his feet, fearing the danger of stumbling, nor let his eyes do their work because he fears a fall through lust. But what does it profit to cut the flesh, when there may be guilt even in a look? For whoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery already with her in his heart. And likewise she who looks on a man to lust after him commits adultery. It is appropriate for us, then, to be chaste, not weak, to have our eyes modest, not feeble. 77 No one, then, should mutilate himself, as many suppose he should, but rather gain the victory; for the Church gathers in those who conquer, not those who are defeated. And why should I use arguments when the words of the Apostle's command are at hand? For it is written this way: I wish that those were mutilated who want you to be circumcised. For why should the means of gaining a crown and of the practice of virtue be lost to a man who is born to honor, equipped for victory? How can he through courage of soul mutilate himself? There are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. 78 This, however, is not a commandment given to all, but a wish set before all. For he who commands must always keep to the exact scope of the commandments, and he who distributes tasks must observe equity in looking into them, for: A false balance is an abomination to the Lord. There is, then, an excess and a defect in weight, but the Church accepts neither, for: Excessive and defective weights and various measures, both of them are alike abominable in the sight of the Lord. There are tasks which wisdom apportions, and apportions according to the estimate of the virtue and strength of each. Let anyone who can accept it accept it. 79 For the Creator of all knows that the dispositions of each are different, and therefore incited virtue by rewards, instead of binding weakness by chains. And he, the teacher of the Gentiles, the good guide of our conduct, and instructor of our inmost affections, who had learned in himself that the law of the flesh resists the law of the mind, but yields to the grace of Christ, he knows, I say, that various movements of the mind are opposed to each other; and, therefore, so expresses his exhortations to chastity, as not to do away with the grace of marriage, nor has he so exalted marriage as to check the desire of chastity. But beginning with the recommendation of chastity, he goes on to remedies against lack of self-control, and having set before the stronger the prize of their high calling, he lets no one faint along the way; approving those who take the lead so as not to make little of those who follow. For he, himself, had learned that the Lord Jesus gave to some barley bread so that they would not faint along the way, and administered His Body to others, that they might strive for the kingdom. 80 For the Lord Himself did not impose this commandment, but invited the will, and the Apostle did not lay down a rule, but gave a counsel. But this is not human advice about things within the reach of human strength, for he acknowledges that the gift of divine mercy was given to him, that he might know how faithfully to set first the former, and to arrange the latter. And, therefore, he says: I think, not, I order, but, I think that this is good because of the present distress. 81 The marriage bond is not then to be shunned as though it were sinful, but rather declined as being an oppressive burden. For the law binds the wife to bear children in labor and in sorrow, and to be subject to her husband, because he is her master. So, then, the married woman, but not the widow, is subject to labor and pain in giving birth to children, and she only that is married, not she that is a virgin, is under the power of her husband. The virgin is free from all these things, who has vowed her affection to the Word of God, who awaits the Bridegroom of blessing with her lamp burning with the light of a good will. And so she is moved by advice, not bound by chains.

Chapter 14

82 But neither has the widow received any command, but advice; advice, however, not given once only but often repeated. For, first, it is said: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. And again: I wish that everyone were as I am; and once more: It is good for them if they remain even as I; and a fourth time: It is good for the present distress. And that it is well pleasing to the Lord, and honorable, and, lastly, that perseverance in widowhood is happier, he lays down not only as his own judgment, but also as an aspiration of the Holy Spirit. Who, then, can reject the kindness of such an adviser? Who gives the reins to the will, and advises in the case of others that which he has found advantageous by his own experience, he who is not easy to catch up, and is not hurt at being equaled. Who, then, would shrink from becoming holy in body and spirit, since the reward is far above the effort, grace beyond need, and the wages above the work? 83 And this, I say, not in order to lay a snare for others, but that as a good farmer of the land entrusted to me, I may see this field of the Church to be fruitful, at one time blossoming with the flowers of purity, at another time strong in the seriousness of widowhood, and yet again abounding with the fruits of marriage. For though they be diverse, yet they are the fruits of one field; there are not so many lilies in the gardens as ears of grain in the fields, and many more fields are prepared for receiving seed than lie fallow after the crops are gathered in. 84 Widowhood is, then, good, which is so often praised by the judgment of the apostles, for it is a teacher of the faith and a teacher of chastity. Whereas they who honor the adulteries and the shame of their gods appointed penalties for celibacy and widowhood; that zealous in pursuit of crimes they might punish the study of virtues; under the pretext, indeed, of seeking increase of the population, but in reality that they might put an end to the purpose of chastity. For the soldier, when his time is ended, lays aside his arms, and leaving the rank which he held, is dismissed as a veteran to his own land, that he may obtain rest after the toils of a laborious life, and cause others to be more ready to undergo labor in the hope of future rest. The laborer, too, as he grows too old, entrusts the guiding of the plow to others, and worn out by the toil of his youth, enjoys in his old age that which his foresight has cared for, still ready to prune the vine rather than to press the grapes, so as to check the luxuriance of early life, and to cut off with his pruning knife the unruliness of youth, teaching, as it were, that blessed fruitfulness is to be aimed at even in the vine. 85 Similarly the widow, as a veteran, having served her time, though she lays aside the arms of married life, yet orders the peace of the whole house: though now freed from carrying burdens, she is yet watchful for the younger who are to be married; and with the thoughtfulness of old age she arranges where more pains would be profitable, where produce would be more abundant, which is fitted for the marriage bond. And so, if the field is entrusted to the elder rather than to the younger, why should you think that it is more advantageous to be a married woman than a widow ? But, if the persecutors of the faith have also been the persecutors of widowhood, most certainly by those who hold the faith, widowhood is not to be shunned as a penalty, but to be valued as a reward.

Chapter 15

86 But perhaps to some it may seem that marriages should be repeated for the sake of having children. But if the desire for children is the cause of marrying, certainly where there is the fruit of children the cause is lacking. And yet what sort of advice is it to wish to try again a fertility tried in vain, or to undergo the childlessness you have already borne? For this is the cause of repeating marriage for those who have no children. 87 Then she who had children and lost them (for her the striving is greater, since she has the hope of bearing), does she not seem to herself, within the very vows of a second marriage, to be weaving the funerals of the children she lost? Will she not suffer again what she seeks again, and does she not shudder at the very tombs of her hopes, the images of the bereavements she received, the noise of lamentations? Or when the night is led in with lighted torches, does she not think that the rites of a funeral procession, rather than a bridal chamber, are being prepared? Why then, daughter, do you seek again the sorrows you fear, rather than look for the children you no longer hope for? If the grief is heavy, its cause should be avoided, not sought. 88 What advice can I give you who have children? What cause have you for marrying? Perhaps the error of carelessness, and the habit of lack of self-control, and the consciousness of a wounded heart compels you. But advice is given to the sober, not to the drunk; and therefore my word is addressed to the free conscience, in which both are sound. Let the wounded woman have a remedy, the honorable one advice. You, I say, daughter, what are you attempting? Why do you seek heirs from outside when you have your own? You do not desire children, whom you have, but servitude, which you do not have. For this is true servitude, in which love is weaker, which is not commended by the pledge of an untouched virginity, nor by the first age full of holy modesty and grace; where offense is more serious, insolence more suspected, concord rarer, which no love grown through time, no beauty flourishing in its years, wins. Family duty becomes a burden, so that you fear to love your children and blush to look at them; and the cause of discord arises from that which usually soothes the mutual love of parents. You wish to bear children who will not be brothers of your own children but their adversaries. What, then, is bearing other children but robbing the children you have, from whom both the duties of piety and the gains of property are alike taken away? 89 The divine law bound spouses to each other by heavenly authority, and even so mutual love remains with difficulty. For he took a rib from the man and formed the woman, so as to join them to each other, saying: “And the two will become one flesh.” He said this not of second, but of first marriages; for neither did Eve receive a second husband, nor did the holy Church acknowledge a second husband: “For this is a great mystery, in Christ and in the Church”; and therefore it is to be guarded. Nor did Isaac know any wife but Rebekah, nor did he bury his father Abraham with any wife but Sarah. 90 For in holy Rachel there was rather the figure of a mystery than the order of marriage. And yet in her too we have something we can refer to the grace of the first marriage: that he loved more the one he first had as his betrothed, and neither did deceit shut out his affection, nor did the intervention of another marriage abolish his love for his betrothed. So the holy patriarch taught us how much we ought to defer to first marriages, since he himself deferred so much to his first betrothal. Take care, then, daughters, that you do not lose the blessing of marriage while adding to its troubles.